ELMA, NY- In what sources describe as an, “horrible disregard for all things good in this world,” Damian Salerno, 25, reportedly just won’t make his bed.

Above: Salerno reacts wildly to accusation that his bed is not "made right."

“It is just awful,” said his father, Walter Salerno, age unknown, “I constantly have to remind him to make that thing, and, despite my promises to give him cookies or candy when he is done, he still won’t do it.”

            Damian disagreed.  Flailing his arms wildly, and attempting to bite a photographer (right), he bluntly stated, “I made that thing just how I wan[t]ed itttt.  I hate you…   …Bring me a soda!”

             Shortly after the tirade, the younger Salerno was seen sitting next to a bush in the backyard of the family’s home on Rice road.  Rocking and tugging at his thinning hair, he was repeating, “Inner net, inner net, inner net.”

The Bed: Clearly it has not been made.

    According to Walt, whose patience for his son is commendable, “Sometimes he just says that.”  He added, “I just don’t know what it means.”

             Sources close to the family support the opinion that it is hard to know what Damian means.  

            Many also have difficulty understanding his recently outlandish ways.

 Yesterday, Tony Balon, a rocker and friend of the Salerno’s, told reporters that Damian “…just is a weirdo, I mean what a weirdo.  He’s a great guy and all, but as a friend it’s hard to see him fall apart like this.  I mean now its his bed.  Whats next?”

 What is next?

 Walter was unsure, “First, he refused to take his Flintstones [vitamins], now this.  He’s so rebellious.  I wish he would grow up.”  He then screamed, “Make that bed!”