| Opinion |
By Damian Salerno:
I just can't stand that conceited cat. You know the one... That little fancy feast bastard: All fluffy and white with the "new marinated beef" eating grin. A cat on TV, and because of it, that little son-of-another-whore cat thinks he's better than me.
Sure that histamine torturing mop gets to choose from a "generous selection of gourmet entrées that provide him with a balance of essential nutrients in a luxurious assortment of 49 varieties in 10 forms, such as gourmet, sliced, flaked, chunky, filet & paté, minced, roasted, seafood filets, grilled and now, Marinated." And, its true that each night I, a HUMAN, get the choice of peanut butter, jelly, or peanut butter and jelly. But, he could really do without that smug look and overconfident walk.
God I'd just love to smash him!
I bet he makes more for each commercial than I will in a year. What does he do with all that money? You know, you always see him prancing around in his "fancy" house when beckoned to his "fancy" feast by that "fancy" bell, but you never see him on any telethons or handing out big checks to the United Way. You know where it goes? I'll tell you!
CAT SPAS! "...nothing makes you feel a million miles away more than a day at the spa. Give your cat a glorious day of pampering! The next time you make an appointment for yourself, make one for your favorite feline at the local pet spa. A day–long visit with specially trained consultants will enhance the well–being of your cat and add a special touch of pure indulgence..." The cat maddens me so.
AND ON LUXURIOUS SPACES! "..to keep your pet happy and healthy, make sure to create a beautiful space for them to spend their time. Pillows made of velvets and silks feel wonderful against the soft fur of cats, and beds can never be too comfortable or too extravagant. Try draping your pet’s main resting area in soft fabrics and be sure to tuck softly scented sachets between the sheets to make the sensory experience complete. Aromatherapy is an important luxury for all of us, but did you know that cats also respond to different scents? Candles and sachets can be placed anywhere to contribute to a healthy and pleasant setting. It is said that basil helps depressed or nervous cats; chamomile and lavender create tranquility; cinnamon helps perk up lethargic cats; and peppermint herb tea bags are rumored to induce hours of playful energy..." I'd like to playfully throw him against a wall for hours.
That brings me to my final point. I'll admit that cat has got it pretty good, pretty damn good, by does that make it okay for him to look right at ME in those commercials and rub it in? When I hear the "Fancy Feast" music come on I have to shield my eyes. Cause I just know he's there staring me down and saying, "who's petting you?," and "have you ever eaten from a crystal dish as fine as this?" Why must he torture me so? It makes me very upset, and in a way its hurtful. I bet we'll all get fed up with it soon, and he'll fall from grace. When he's eating cheerios for dinner like me he won't feel so fancy.
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Click To Visit That Bastard.. |
Not so fancy at all..